Here’s the problem.

I will lose the Katherine Card.

The Katherine Card works all manner of magic. Observe:

Convincing Teenage Sister to Accept Medicine

Lorien: “Staton, you have to take this medicine.”
Staton: “Um, no. It does nothing for me.”
Lorien: “It doesn’t matter if you think it does nothing for your symptoms, because it’ll stop you from being contagious.”
Staton: “So?”
Lorien: “Katherine will be here Friday. If we get her sick, her first two Bolivian Weeks will be miserable.”
Staton: “Oh. Okay. Can I have the pills?”

Convincing Eleven Year Old Brother to Bathe

Lorien: “David, take a bath.”
David: “Nope.”
Lorien: “You stink.”
David: “Yup!”
Lorien: “No, seriously, you smell really bad.”
David: “[snicker] Yeah, I know!”
Lorien: “Katherine will be here in three days! You don’t want her to smell you like this.”
David: “Oh. Yeah.”
Lorien: “You’ll need to bathe more than once a month, you know.”
David: “True. Like, every day. Oh man, I need to go do my laundry, too!”
Lorien: “Um, okay, yeah, definitely.”
David: “GOTTA RUN, I SMELL BAD.”

Admittedly, the Katherine Card is less effective on the elder of the younger siblings, Thomas and Nicholas. They’re very much, “eh, whatever, I’m doing my own oh-so-cool-and-suave thing.” I suspect this will change when they stumble out of their rooms, like any other grumpy early morning, and realize, “POPE’S POOP! THERE’S A GIRL IN THE HOUSE. WE HAVE TO BE NICE!”

On second thought, Katherine should still come to Bolivia. That reaction will be worth the loss of the Katherine Card.

Update! Jeff McMorrough made his own version of the Katherine Card:

—

Once again I am virtually mocking you. You’re starting to sound like Katherine now. . . Dear Katherine, Here are the things you must do before you go to bed tonight.

Posted by Kristin @ 09/09/2004 11:26 AM CST

Interestingly, Lorien has long had you fooled. Whilst I have assisted in K-List Mockage, I have secretly conducted such notes to self for many a year.

I just knew better than to leave my notes on random tables.

Posted by Lor @ 09/09/2004 06:04 PM CST

I always suspected that you were bluffing.

Posted by Kristin @ 09/10/2004 09:05 AM CST