Losing It

I’m losing it. I forgot that my induction into Phi Theta Kappa was tonight. I don’t know if that means that I cannot join, which would be bad resume-wise, or if I can get a refund of the money I spent, which would also be bad because I’m a dirt-poor college kid.

I’m doing the 18 hours of classes alright. I’m not studying, which shows in my B’s and C’s(Math). With my parents gone, I’m doing the paperwork as church secretary. I was in the process of paying the energy bill a little while ago, when I realized that I have no idea how to pay a bill. I barely know how to write a check – I’ve written more in the past week than I have in my lifetime. My living space is still a half-maintained wreck.

I have to pick up the pace. My Goal of the Year is to get that DC internship that I’ve wanted for so long. Applying as a community college sophomore, I need every advantage I can get. Simply forgetting an induction ceremony is not what I need.

What I am doing properly:
I am a good tutor. I enjoy teaching.
I am eating properly.
I am investing in my fencing. Not practicing enough. But, I have nice beginner’s equipment?
I have arranged clever new styles for my hair.

These are all that I can think of. This is a bad sign.

and, seriously. How the hell do I pay an energy bill to the city of Independence? Mail a check to “City of Independence, MO”? I’m tired, I’m lonely, and I feel as if I’m failing. I have neither the right nor the luxury to feel like this. I am not who I thought I would be, when I was 15 and dreaming of 21.

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